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"Julian, still blushing, just stood there with his elbows to his sides,wrists limp and twisted a little to one side, whilst rubbing his kneestogether as he moved. He looked up from his lowered head with a lock ofhis flaxen hair covering one eye and said, "Hi Jock and Josh." It was sheer pansy poetry in motion, but that Jock was a living Adonis.Before verbal responses could come from the boys, the church bell peeledout and Auntie Jane took Julian by his arm and said, "We must be on ourway, mustn't keep the Canon waiting. We'll see you boys at the gardenparty after the service."As Auntie Jane and Julian made their way across the lawn to the chapel,Jock's eyes lingered on Julian's rear, and he said, "Can you believethat sissy ass? He even has mini tits! And those lips!" Well, before you blow your load, you'd better tend to Miss Bichier'sboat or your ass will be hers in a way you do not even want toconsider!" Josh cautioned. "She is so not a woman you want to cross!"***** The Chapel of. I want to hear all about his day and have long conversations on subjects we have discussed a million times before. I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person.
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